You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
