i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
