"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
