well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
