yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
