i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
