i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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