Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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