His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
