That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
