i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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