I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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