Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
