Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
