i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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