im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
