She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
