careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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