So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
