that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
