That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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