And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
