He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
