I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
