Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
