I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
