Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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