How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
