I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
