Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
