3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
