Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
