Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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