I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have aggressive nipples.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
