got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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