Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
soo... how was my night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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