My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
