I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
