She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
