i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
