After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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