Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
