why didn't you poke me back
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fuck appropriateness.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
