my being single is dangerous.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
