You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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