wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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