I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
