I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
