i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I looked at my own cervix.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
