I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
