Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
