Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
