Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
