He kissed a someone with a penis
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
