Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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