Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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